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Refrigerator etiquette |
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Of all the new experiences exchange students have to face in their
new country, what do you think causes them the most anxiety? Believe
it or not, it's probably opening the fridge! Read on to find out
why!
Here's the scene
You come back to your host family's home or to your dorm room after
school, and you're hungry. So, you go over to the fridge to look
for a snack. Open the door and you find some apples, which you take
over to your desk to eat while you study. Everything seems OK, but
later your roommate or host brother is looking for those apples, which
he bought for himself. Or worse, he sees you help yourself to them.
He may not say anything to you about it, but he's probably annoyed.
Now, a simple after-school snack has made you seem rude or inconsiderate,
and could even prevent you from becoming good friends with this person.
A similar situation happened to a college student from Japan who watched
her American roommate take some oranges without asking permission.
"I was so shocked. I didn't know what to say. She just took
my oranges and didn't ask me. I think it's very rude." It seems
like a small misunderstanding, but it can cause a lot of trouble in a new
relationship!
One of the biggest challenges of life abroad is learning how to behave
and interact as a new member of a family or group of roommates. People
don't usually think very much about the way they act at home, they just
do what seems natural and comfortable; rules of behavior are often unspoken,
and are assumed to be shared by all members of the group. The problem
is, that what is totally acceptable in your culture may not be in your
new home. Those first weeks of your new life can cause you lots of
worry. You're not supposed to be a houseguest, but you don't feel
like a true member of the family yet either. You're somewhere in
between, and it's hard to know what is really the right thing to do.
What should you do?
As a newcomer wanting to fit in, you should start by watching others
carefully so you can try to follow their actions. Notice the way
they speak to each other and how they show courtesy. You can learn
so much by watching, but it is not enough. You should never assume
that it'd be OK to take or use something. At first, it's best to
be cautious, and to ask before you take food out of the fridge or print
out all of your email messages at your host dad's computer. If your
hosts have told you to help yourself to anything you'd like to eat, that
is fine. Just remember to use courtesy and common sense, and if you
think something you said or did has been misunderstood, talk about it.
The people you live with will really appreciate your effort to be sensitive.
Also, your questions will remind them that you're not familiar with their
lifestyle and that they need to help you get used to it. These little
culture "lessons" can also lead to many interesting topics of conversation
among you and your new family members. Those first few weeks can
be a bit awkward, but if you try to communicate honestly and often you'll
have a much better chance of getting comfortable in your new surroundings,
and making close friendships.
By Susan Ernenwein and Alice Hoover
Click here for more articles about study and travel abroad! |
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Definitions
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| Fridge
- American slang for refrigerator
Help yourself - to take something
without assistance from a host. For example when visiting a friend's
home, she may tell you to help yourself to a can of soda. This means
that you are free to go get it without being served
To fit in - to be like
others in a group by sharing a common set of interests, social rules, behaviors
or values |
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