E S L   C O R N E R How are you?

Scene 1:  You are at the grocery store.  When you go to the cash register to pay, the sales clerk asks, "How are you?"

Scene 2:  You go home to visit your family during a school holiday.  You sit down to talk to your parents, and your mother asks, "How are you?"

Scene 3:  You are walking to a class on your college campus.  A young man that you met at a party last week walks by and smiles, saying "How are you?"

Can you choose the best response for each of the three scenes?

A. I'm OK.  How are you?

B. I'm fine, thanks.

C. Well, I've been having some difficulty in my biology class.

The way you answer in each case is decided by your relationship to the person who has asked you the question.  How well do you know the person?  Here are the correct answers to the above exercise, so you can understand this point.

Scene 1 - B, Scene 2 - C, Scene 3 - A

In the grocery store example, you don't know the sales clerk.  He asks, "How are you?" to be polite.  You answer with the typical polite response.  The clerk does not expect you to be completely honest and say that you haven't been feeling well lately!  In other words, the clerk is not trying to begin a conversation with you or get to know you.  The accepted response in this case is, "I'm fine, thanks (or thank you)," even if you actually do not feel fine.

In the next example, a parent has asked how you are.  In this case you have the chance to tell how you are really doing, because of course your parents care about you and really want to know.  You are free to talk about personal concerns and problems if you wish.  Other people that you can respond to more openly would be other family members, close friends, your school counselor and your doctor.  These people usually ask about you to get more truthful information.

The third example, speaking with a friend you recently met, is the most challenging.  You have to decide how well you know him in order to choose an appropriate answer.  In this case you just met him last week, so you probably don't know each other very well.  The best answer is friendly and informal, but polite.  He's just walking by, and you aren't going to start a conversation at this time.  With friends that you have known for a longer time, you may choose to comment about being tired after an exam or looking forward to the upcoming holiday, information that isn't too personal or private. 

Of course, where the exchange takes place is important too.  When you go to your school counselor's office and she asks, "How are you?" you should tell her truthfully about any problems you are having at school.  If you see her by chance at the train station and she asks how you are, she will expect just the typical polite response.

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